For a long time, maybe since I was 13, I felt that my outer appearance didn’t match how I felt on the inside…like people thought they really knew me, but didn’t know me at all. I’m 17 and I still feel that way. When I was younger, I would do a lot of crazy things like going on crazy preteen diets or tell lies about myself to make myself sound “cooler”, help me fit in with the popular crowd, and get guys to like me. It never worked, but I always kept trying. I would try to reinvent myself so people could see me differently. Heck, I’m still trying it…but this time it’s different. I’m doing it for me and absolutely NO ONE else. I’ve realized something very valuable as I’ve grown older and it’s quite simple: A lot of people are going to dislike me for any reason they find suitable and I can’t stop them. With that one realization, everything changed. For the most part, I stopped feeling like I had to impress other people and started trying to impress myself with my various forms of awesomeness. I’ve started taking both pride and care of the healthy body that God has given me. I’ve recently started going to the gym regularly and have been a vegetarian for almost a year. I grew out my relaxer and starting wearing my natural. In addition to that, I’ve been putting forth more effort into purchasing eco-friendly and organic/natural products. All these changes have been for my benefit and I’m happy with them. However, I still have a long ways to go. Last night, I was wide awake with my mind racing about anything and everything. I thought about this being my last year of high school and me packing up the last of my things for college around this time next year. When I walk onto that college campus (hopefully Mizzou’s), I want to feel like a new and improved person. For that reason, along with a little Lena Dunham inspiration, I made a quick little “renovation list” before I fell asleep.
- Be a little more sentimental and open with people. It’s OK to show people who I am
- Dip into some culture
- Change my look to what I feel happy with
- Be who I want to be, not who others want me to be
- Try new things regularly
- Meet new, interesting people
- Stop feeling as if I constantly have something to prove
- Do as I please without being apologetic
- Never lower my standards, morals, and/or intellect for anyone
There’s a lot more to add and a lot more to talk about, but for right now I think this is were my PM spiel should end. Goodnight, everyone.